A Study In Nonsense
by Professor-Piggy
Summary: An ever expanding collection of oneshots and short little stories written mostly based off prompts from the Thirty Minute Ponies tumblr.
1. Statistical Improbability

"How could Twilight Sparkle be so _stupid_? She's supposed to be so clever – all those problems and spells and…and…" The Pegasus trailed off, halting her haphazard pacing around the table. She whirled on her friend, fire in her eyes and a scowl on her face, "Help me out here, Fluttershy! I'm running out of words!"

Fluttershy blinked up at her oldest friend, shrinking away from her just a little. When she spoke her voice was quavering, just a little. "Um….well….it might help if you'd stop drinking for a little while? Maybe then you'd be able to think of something?"

Rainbow Dash stared at her flatly for a long moment before she answered, sarcasm dripping from each word. "Yeah. Because drinking less of this non-alcoholic cider will _definitely_ help me think more clearly. Great thinking, Fluttershy!" She pointed a hoof to Rarity, not even bothering to look at the unicorn. "You! Words, now!"

With a toss of her mane and a demure, restrained smile Rarity rose from the table and made her way over to the agitated Pegasus. She leaned against her slowly and, as her grin grew wider, slightly more manic, she began to speak.

"Personally I think it's atrocious the way she threw poor Pinkie out like that. One would think that a pony so well versed in careful study would be something other than _completely blind_. Pinkie took her _flowers_, darlings! Did you know that? Honestly, flowers! Not chocolate flowers, or peppermint flowers, or squirting flowers! It was a big bouquet! I _never_ get flowers!" Here she cast a pointed look over at Rainbow Dash, but the Pegasus had her eyes closed, nodding along in agreement.

"I know! Nopony ever gets me flowers either. Not that I _want_ flowers!" She added quickly, glaring around the room , daring anypony to offer her flowers. "But come on! Pinkie wore a dress! A dress! And it wasn't food stained or_ anything_!" Dash snorted in disgust, "I mean I'm not exactly the smartest pony in the world but even I would've gotten that!"

"It is true that you're not the the most brilliant diamond in the bunch." Rarity mused, shooting a sideways glance and a smirk at Rainbow Dash. "But there are some things you're better at than anypony else here. I never even would've guessed what she was up to but you spotted it a mile off! I just wish we'd followed her to a successful wooing." The unicorn sighed, then suddenly stopped and turned to stare wide eyed at Fluttershy. "Not…not that we _followed_ her or anything. We just so happened to be going the same way, that's all and –"

The bakery door flew open and in trotted Applejack, face set in a stony expression and a slight frown on her face. She moved slowly to the table and collapsed down next to Fluttershy, burying her face in her forelegs with a sigh.

The other three ponies stared at her, waiting with baited breath. Applejack said nothing. This continued for several minutes before Fluttershy let out a pained whine. "What_ happened_? It's not nice to keep us all in suspense like this!"

"Three hours." The earth pony sounded drained, exhausted. "Three. Hours. Three hours to explain to that darn egghead that maybe Pinkie Pie wasn't prankin' her. This time." She raised her head, glaring at her friends. "Next time, y'all can march your flanks over there an' argue romantic type stuff with the girl. I've heard enough about statistical impossibility to last me a lifetime."

Then she grinned. "Last I saw, Twilight had a whole bunch o' balloons tied to a cake – don't worry, she didn't make it – and was floating it over here. I reckon it might be nice if the rest of us were to skedaddle. Let her be the one to wake up sleepin' beauty."

Dash grinned, and threw her arms around Rarity, who had tears in her eyes. "Beautifully done, darling. I knew you had it in you." Then she sniffed. "Somewhere. Deep within you." This won a chuckle from Dash, which sounded ever so slightly choked – almost like she was fighting tears.

Fluttershy just smiled, glancing up at the door, to Pinkie's room. It had opened, just a little – nopony else had noticed, but she had. "Come on girls." She whispered gently. "Lets go – I think Pinkie deserves some time with her special somepony." She giggled "No matter how stupid she is."


	2. Her Own Game

It had sounded so easy, the night before. That was one of the problems being friends with ponies like them. They were brave ponies, confident ponies – the type of ponies to charge a problem head on and keep batting at it until it broke, even if the only way to do it was to break themselves too. And that worked for some problems, even if she herself preferred different methods. But sometimes – just sometimes – she wondered if her friends had ever even tried to deal with real problems. Problems like this one.

_"C'mon Fluttershy, it's not that hard! All you have to do is walk up to her and be 'Hey, you! I like you, even if you're crazy! We should totally hang out and stuff," and she'll be all like, oh you are the most awesome pony ever and we should totally make out!"_

Yeah. That had been great advice. She had flittered and fluttered and stumbled over her words and now she was sitting here in the middle of a bar across from that perfect pink pony. She watched as the pony rocked slowly back and forth on her hooves, humming softly to herself with her eyes closed. Places like this – loud, crowded places all full of ponies – flowed through Pinkie in a way Fluttershy had never been able to understand. She was glowing, almost bouncing for all her stillness. She took Fluttershy's breath away, just a little bit, and for the thousandth time that night she found her words stolen away by the smile on her friend's face. She loved her. So much. And she felt so safe.

So why had it been almost an hour since she had actually _said_ anything?  
_  
"As much as I hate to admit it, darling, Rainbow Dash isn't all that far off. I mean, normally I'd recommend grand, elaborate gestures. Flowers, diamonds, a serenade, a beautiful midnight stroll by the moonlight, followed by a dance. But… some ponies are just a little too…well, dense for that approach."_

_"Hey! That's what you did to me! You said that was just to celebrate the young fliers contest!"_

_"Yes dear. Precisely. And if you're oblivious…well…to use an analogy Fluttershy would appreciate you rather resemble your pets – your mind, well decidedly awesome, is slow and bumbling. Pinkie's is…well, you see where I'm going with this, I'm sure."_

She had to say something. She sipped at her drink, desperately trying to sooth her dry throat, and then sipped at it again. And again. She wasn't sure why she thought it would help. The other thirteen glasses hadn't. But it didn't matter – when she opened her mouth to speak, Pinkie Pie cut her off.

"Hey Fluttershy, wanna play a game with me?" The grin on her friends face was infectious, and she found herself nodding dumbly. Yes. Yes she wanted to play. Any game. Every game. Forever. Mostly, though, she wanted the party pony to kiss her. At least then she'd have an excuse for not talking.

"Yay!" Pinkie bounced into the air, cheer echoing throughout the bar. More than one pony glanced at her, and she bowed. Then, she narrowed her eyes a little, and her smile took on a more challenging tone. "Ya see, I can't help but notice that even with all the drinking you're not even tipsy and I don't see that all that often so I was wondering…do you want to have a drink off? I promise I'll go easy on ya!"

Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy realised, was already a little drunk. No way would the party pony have challenged Fluttershy to that kind of game otherwise. Not with things as they were. After all, there was no way that the poor pink pony stood a chance. A small smile crept onto her face, and she nodded, eliciting another cheer from Pinkie.

"Waiter! Bring us everything! All the cider you have, and all of whatever she's drinking! And for everypony else too! Put it all on Pinkie Pie!"

The two stared each other down, eyes narrowed and little smiles on their faces. They had bonded, a long time ago, over games like this. It was just like old times. Only with more alcohol.

_"And if it gets awkward just get her drunk! Pinkie's an awesome drunk. She'll have a blast."_

_"Rainbow Dash! How __**dare**__ you!?"_

_"What? Oh, ew. Ew! No. Not like that! Ugh! Now I can't get it outta my head! Thanks, Rarity!"_

Pinkie downed a drink, then another, and another. Fluttershy matched her glass for glass. Ten bottles. Twenty. Thirty. How much could Pinkie drink? Finally, the party pony was showing signs of being a little off-kilter. "Do…do you remember that time? That…when Dash first came, and got all yelly? And then you got all yelly, and told her to stop being a meanie pants, and made it okay? You always make it okay." Then she giggled, high and musical. "But you're still going down! All the way down!"

Fluttershy smiled, calmly, and downed another drink. Pinkie was having fun. Lots of fun. And that was good. That meant she might want to do it again.

Another half hour, and Pinkie was starting to slip. She was staring at Fluttershy, head tilted slightly and eyes half lidded. "And…and that time with Gummy! When he…with Rarity! And you were like grr and Gummy was all like 'Kiss her you fool, what are you waiting for!? You love her don't you!?' and then Dashie threw Rocky away and we had to go resuce…rescue her. Remember?" She blinked, and her smile grew wider. "He was right, you know. I totally should have kissed you. That would've been the super bestest thing ever!" And then, quite suddenly, Pinkie Pie fainted.

Fluttershy was blushing scarlet. Very slowly, and with all the calm she could muster, she finished her drink and poured another. If Pinkie was serious, that was good. If not, that was okay – she would continue to love her friend - her stupid, silly, crazy little friend – for as long as it took. Another glass down.

Fluttershy lifted her friend off the floor and began to lead her out, smiling softly. She couldn't remember the last time she had had quite so much to drink. She tended to avoid it in favour of tea, but it had been Pinkie's treat after all. And spring water was _so good_. She really couldn't be blamed, could she, if she hadn't been able to resist?


End file.
